Verdict... Guilty
The other day our Willow got a rash, it was an angry sort of rash, made worse by Willow itching himself raw. Funny thing, Willow diagnosed himself with, 'itchma'. Anyhow it got worse throughout the evening, so I rang out of hours, they squeezed him into 'GoDoc' at the hospital. To state here, the National Health Service in this country is fantastic, if you need medical advice/reassurance/treatment, how lucky we are that it's so FREELY available. So it turns out, it's an eczema allergy type thing, caused by new jumpers, that #BadMa didn't wash before putting them on.
#Obvs when the kids are poorly; it's all about me, I started to feel so guilty. It's ridiculous, but the more I mulled it over, the more guilt came over me. It had to be my fault, Lizzy has never had eczema, why would she I breastfed her for miles longer than Willow. With m'laddo I gave up the minute he turned 26 weeks (the bugger was a biter, and had top and bottom teeth). Over the coming days, whenever I put the steroid cream on his little arms, I had a tear in my eye thinking 'This is my fault this is'. It isn't really, eczema - it's just a childhood thing, but the pressure we mothers put on ourselves. I don't remember feelings of such inappropriate guilt before the kids came along. It's like when your newborn is put in your arms, you immediately start with the self inflicted guilt-trip!
When I was on my first mat leave, I felt guilty because I had to go back to work, how could I leave my baby to fend for herself in a private nursery? Five years later, second baby I felt guilty because I was desperate to go back to work, I counted down the days for when I could abandon my child to paid childcare!
I feel guilty that my kids have happy meals
I feel guilty that some days I countdown the minutes till they're in bed
I feel guilty that sometimes I'm not really listening to them
I feel guilty that they still share a room
I feel guilty that I don't push the veg more than I should
I feel guilty at the sheer number of late tickets they get
I feel guilty with my poor effort on dress up days
I feel guilty that I don't help out more at School
I feel guilty that I don't really want to help out at School
I feel guilty that I don't take them swimming enough
I feel guilty that I let them have chocolate brioche for breakfast on school days
I feel guilty when I shout at them simply because I'm feeling a bit moody...
I really could go on...
I feel guilty that my kids have happy meals
I feel guilty that some days I countdown the minutes till they're in bed
I feel guilty that sometimes I'm not really listening to them
I feel guilty that they still share a room
I feel guilty that I don't push the veg more than I should
I feel guilty at the sheer number of late tickets they get
I feel guilty with my poor effort on dress up days
I feel guilty that I don't help out more at School
I feel guilty that I don't really want to help out at School
I feel guilty that I don't take them swimming enough
I feel guilty that I let them have chocolate brioche for breakfast on school days
I feel guilty when I shout at them simply because I'm feeling a bit moody...
I really could go on...
The main charges against me -
Biscuit giving, I distract Willow with biscuits, so I can faff round on FB without disturbance - GUILTY
Abandonment - I only go to the gym/run/bootcamp to get away from my family - GUILTY
Bribery - I drop Lizzy a bung if she sees to Willow in the morning (set him up on YouTube and give him a cereal bar) - GUILTY
Perhaps I am guilty as charged..... send her down....
xx Emma-Lou
Perhaps I am guilty as charged..... send her down....
xx Emma-Lou
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